


Vulcan Blowjobs

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [18]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Gen, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:31:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<b>baguette fucker</b><br/>YES<br/>IDRIS ELBA<br/>I FORGOT HE WAS IN IT UNTIL HE APPEARED</p>
<p><b>fight me</b><br/>WE KNOW</p>
<p><b>disney god</b><br/>YOU GASPED REALLY LOUDLY IN THE THEATRE</p>
<p><b>fight me</b><br/>HE LOOKS SO GOOD<br/>#DADDY"</p>
<p>*<br/>The Poly Squad watches Star Trek and 'fortunately' is no longer a word after the groupchat got their hands on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vulcan Blowjobs

**Author's Note:**

> This is a warning for Star Trek Beyond. Some discussions of STB take place here. There are no spoilers but your idea of spoilers may differ from mine so you know, tread carefully.

**Hercules <3**  
_online_

hey

???

wanna go on a date

er yeah but why aren’t you asking the others

…  
idk

oka y?  
what do you want to do

(;

other than that alex

you ruin all the fun  
idk  
gays in space?

number one, stop calling it that  
two, i still like star wars over star trek

uNACCEPTABLE

*

**The Four Musketeers**  
_baguette fucker, disney god, fight me, get ur own dicc_

**fight me**  
number one i forgot about this group  
number two we gotta change the name  
number three wanna go on a date????  
i was originally gonna go out with just Hercules  
but he reminded me he doesn’t like star trek

**get ur own dicc  
** ARE WE WATCHING THE GAYS IN SPACE MOVIE

**disney god  
** i forgot you call it that too

**fight me  
** yEA

**baguette fucker  
** YEAH BUDDY LET’S GO

**disney god  
** i still prefer star wars

**baguette fucker**  
yeah but that doesn’t mean you can’t watch star trek  
and appreciate it???

**get ur own dicc**  
EVERYONE SAYS IT’S REALLY GOOD  
LET’S WATCH IT  
GAYS IN SPACE GAYS IN SPACE GAYS IN SPACE  
LET’S GOOOO

**fight me  
** 3/4 of boyfriends recommend you watch star trek beyond

**disney god**  
fine  
we can watch star trek beyond

**get ur own dicc  
** GAYS IN SPACE

**disney god**  
are we watching it at the same cinema as finding dory

**baguette fucker  
** i don’t see why not

**get ur own dicc  
** I’VE GOT TICKETS FOR THE MIDNIGHT SCREENING TO STAR TREK

**disney god  
** we’re going to regret it so much the day after aren’t we

**get ur own dicc**  
YOU CAN NEVER REGRET STAR TREK  
HERC I CAN LEND YOU MERCH

**disney god  
** john ily but lik e your shirts wouldn’t fit?

**get ur own dicc**  
HAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO CUTE  
I BOUGHT STAR TREK MERCH IN YOUR SIZE WHEN I WENT OUT THAT LAST TIME  
I KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO GET INTO STAR TREK SO I’M PREPARED

**disney god**  
that’s optimistic????  
i think????

**baguette fucker  
** SHALL WE COSPLAY

**fight me  
** YEAH

**get ur own dicc  
** I WANT TO BE SPOCK

**fight me  
** I WANT TO BE KIRK

**baguette fucker  
** UHURA

**disney god  
** er yoda?

**fight me**  
OH MY GO D  
N O

**baguette fucker**  
IGNORE HIM  
I HAVE STAR TREK UNIFORMS IN MY CLOSET

**get ur own dicc**  
I DO TOO  
IN ALL YOUR SIZES

**disney god  
** i am Scared

**fight me**  
DON’T BE  
YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET YOUR MIND BLOWN BY STAR TREK

**disney god  
** warp drive?

**get ur own dicc**  
NOW YOU’RE GETTING IT  
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

*

**disney god**  
should i be concerned that literally everyone here is cosplaying  
like a literal alien just walked past me

**get ur own dicc  
** damn they looks good

**baguette fucker  
**?!

**fight me  
** excuse me

**get ur own dicc**  
THE COSPLAY IS NICE  
LOOK  
LOOK AT THOSE CHEEKBONES

**fight me  
** okay true

**baguette fucker**  
why do aliens always have super sharp cheekbones  
especially if they’re cruel  
like the sharper the cheekbone the more evil the alien  
why do the dumb ones have no cheekbones

**disney god**  
people with cheekbones are terrifying?  
but also maybe possibly fatshaming

**baguette fucker  
** sighs at media industry

**fight me  
** sighs at society

**get ur own dicc  
** GAYS IN SPACE

*

**baguette fucker  
** someone help my wig is falling

**disney god  
** i got you boo

**baguette fucker  
** <3

**disney god  
** <3

*

**get ur own dicc**  
you guys won’t see this until after the movie  
but alex is snuggling up to herc  
and herc got his arm around him  
asdfghjkl;’  
too cute  
TOO CUTE

**baguette fucker  
** TAKE PHOTOS

**get ur own dicc  
** IT IS TOO DARK

*

**baguette fucker**  
GAYS IN SPACE  
BLESS SIMON PEGG  
BLESS HIM  
PRAISE BE UNTO HIM

**get ur own dicc**  
wHY ARE YOU TEXTING DURING A MOVIE???  
ALSO YOUR PHONE IS LIGHTING UP THE WHOLE ROOM

**baguette fucker**  
HUSH  
YOU ARE ALSO TEXTING

**get ur own dicc  
** okay tru

*

**fight me**  
@ laf you’re not even religious???  
why do practically all of the aliens speak English??  
like sure it’s standard???  
but omg 110% humans decided English was standard  
why can’t i have more weird ass languages  
i mean sure you’ll have to like subtitle half the film  
and risk losing money  
but you know at least uhura will be using her training as a translation??

*

**disney god  
** are you guys seriously the kind of assholes to text during a movie jeez

*

**get ur own dicc**  
so  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**baguette fucker  
** (   ͡°   ͜ʖ   ͡°  )

**fight me  
** (     ͡°     ͜ʖ     ͡°    )

**disney god**  
fine  
i liked it

**get ur own dicc  
** AYYYYYYYYYYYYY

**fight me  
** WE DID IT

**baguette fucker**  
BUT IT WAS S O G O O D

**fight me**  
YES  
THAT TWIST THO

**get ur own dicc**  
GAYS IN SPACE THO  
IT’S CANON  
SCREAMS

**disney god**  
IDRIS ELBA  
LIKE DAMN

**baguette fucker**  
YES  
IDRIS ELBA  
I FORGOT HE WAS IN IT UNTIL HE APPEARED

**fight me  
** WE KNOW

**disney god  
** YOU GASPED REALLY LOUDLY IN THE THEATRE

**fight me**  
HE LOOKS SO GOOD  
#DADDY  
COME TO ME IDRIS ELBA

**get ur own dicc  
** I WOULD BE PISSED BUT LIKE I FULLY AGREE SO

**disney god**  
AND THE UNITY BETWEEN THE CREW????  
10/10

**fight me**  
EXACTLY WHAT HAS BEEN MISSING FROM THE LAST FEW FILMS  
@ SIMON PEGG GOOD JOB  
I COULD CRY  
ALL MY MOVIE EXPECTATIONS HAVE BEEN MEET

**get ur own dicc  
** STILL NOT GAY ENOUGH

**baguette fucker  
** ADMITTEDLY TRUE

*

**the angelica squad**  
_aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, better than you, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

**peggy**  
guys  
i was ordering a drink and i forgot what the drink was called because i was reading a fanfic in line and the last word i saw before i looked up was “vulcan blowjob” so

**eliza**  
PEGGY  
TELL ME YOU DIDN’T

**peggy**  
i unfortunately did  
thankfully she didn’t understand me

**ayyyymaria  
** YOU ORDERED A VULCAN BLOWJOB FROM SOME POOR LADY????

**peggy**  
PLEASE DON’T JUDGE ME  
I ACTUALLY WANTED MILK TEA  
THE VULCAN BLOWJOB WAS NOT A PART OF THE PLAN

**fight me  
** i wouldn't say no to a vulcan blowjob

**disney god**  
really????  
alex?????  
really?????

**fight me**  
anyway  
GO WATCH STAR TREK IT WAS SO GOOD

**angel**  
ooh was it???  
i’ve been wanting to see it  
but ghostbusters  
and time  
why isn’t there more time in a day

**disney god**  
please don’t wish for that  
alex would die from overwork

**fight me  
** no i won’t

**get ur own dicc  
** it’s really cute that you think we believe you

**fight me  
** you can’t see this but i’m flipping you off

**baguette fucker**  
we literally live in the same house  
you are in our bed  
we can all see you

**fight me  
** it is 7am let me live

**disney god**  
just go to class alex  
also it probably wasn’t a very good idea to go for a midnight screening when we have class bright and early today

**aaron burr  
** Yes, it wasn’t

**fight me**  
please be quiet burr  
just cause you don’t know how to have fun doesn’t mean it applies to all of us

**aaron burr  
** Must you argue with me every time I talk

**fight me  
** yes tbh

**dosiaaa**  
ngl he does know how to have fun  
(;

**get ur own dicc**  
too early for fucking straightness  
in all senses of the phrase

**angel**  
not to divert from the conversation  
but why must people be the Worst  
can assholes wait until i’ve at least had one cup of coffee

**dosiaaa  
** what happened?

**angel**  
some guy just messaged me on tinder  
“what dat mouth do”

**ayyyymaria  
** complain tbh

**angel**  
tru  
@ all guys in the group  
why must you all be terrible

**better than you**  
well  
not all men are terrible

_angel has removed better than you from the group_

**peggy  
** YAS

**dosiaaa  
** GO OFF

**fight me  
** GOOD JOB

**jamesmadd  
** ngl he deserved it

**get ur own dicc**  
once again  
queen angelica proves worthy of her title

**angel  
** damn right i am

**disney god**  
but also to answer your question  
idk

**aaron burr  
** That was really insightful, Hercules

**disney god  
** idk burr do you have anything you would like to share

**aaron burr  
** …

**fight me  
** TALK SHIT GET HIT

**dosiaaa  
** ngl dear you walked yourself into that one

**baguette fucker  
** guys are just terrible

**angel  
** …  
i’ll accept that as an answer  
@ **ayyyymaria** i sent that to him  
i doubt he will respond

**ayyyymaria**  
if he does  
he truly has balls of steel

*

**James Madison </3  
** _online_

can you believe this?????  
she remOved me from the group????

thomas  
shut the fuck up

*

**the angelica squad**  
_aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

**fight me  
** do you guys want to play fortunately/unfortunately

**eliza  
** what's that

**fight me**  
basically i say a statement that's either good/bad  
and you must follow it up with a negative/good thing  
like "i slept 3 hours last night"  
"fortunately class was cancelled"

**aaron burr  
** I see the appeal

**angel  
** yeah let's play

**fight me  
** i had a date last night

**ayyyymaria  
** unfortunately it didn't go as expected

**eliza  
** fortunately i am planned for every eventuality

**dosiaaa  
** unfortunately i didn't have a dress

**baguette fucker  
** fortunately my friend had a dress

**get ur own dicc  
** unfortunately it didn't fit

**peggy  
** fortunately i look good in everything

**angel  
** unfortunately i got my period and stained my dress

**disney god  
** luckily the dress was red

**james madd  
** unfortunately i was late

**aaron burr  
** Fortunately so was he

**fight me  
** unfortunately he was ugly

**ayyyymaria  
** fortunately he was rick

**eliza  
** unfortunately he was rude to the waiter

**dosiaaa**  
fortunately he had bought expensive champagne and i got drunk

**baguette fucker  
** unfortunately i was not drunk enough

**get ur own dicc  
** fortunately i didn't throw up on him

**peggy**  
unfortunately he supported trump

**angel  
** fortunately i had not finished my wine so i threw it at him

**disney god  
** unfortunately the waiters then threw me out

**james madd  
** fortunately i met someone else

**aaron burr  
** Unfortunately i didn't get their name

**fight me  
** fortunately i got luckyyyy (;

**ayyyymaria**  
fortunately he had an std  
nO WAIT I MEANT UNFORTUNATELY*

**aaron burr**  
I think that's enough for today

**Author's Note:**

> [cracks spine] Hello! Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I know I tend to post every other day, but I had a very bad day yesterday and I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, I couldn't find it in myself to write, let alone post. 
> 
> Anyway, speaking of posting, I have decided to change up my schedule for TISOTS. I've been posting every other day for like 3 weeks and basically, I'm going to change that up. Instead of posting every other day, I'm going to post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday instead. Maybe Sunday too. This means like less updates, but my schedule is real fucking hectic rn. (Please save me)
> 
> Also! I watched Star Trek Beyond and it was sO GOOD. I KNOW IT'S NOT OUT EVERYWHERE YET BUT IF YOU HAVE WATCHED IT, SEND ME A MESSAGE ON TUMBLR.
> 
> The Vulcan Blowjob thing actually happened to me today. Luckily I didn't say it out loud but I spent too long in line going "Er.. er..." so ew.
> 
> My castmates introduced me to fortunately/unfortunately, and that is actually what happened. Can you guess which one I said?
> 
> Tumblr is [here](http://bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com), see you around!
> 
> *
> 
> P.S if you like, buy me coffee!
> 
> [](https://ko-fi.com/A1016HG)


End file.
